this december was not at all like i had hoped it would be. as per usual i was on perpetual headless chicken mode running from one meeting/event/dinner/party/reunion to another. today was my only free day in a very long time, in fact. usually, i thrive on the busy-ness of it all. i actually feel a sense of security because doing a million and one things is what i am used to and anything different would make me feel unproductive, bored, and lazy (as though i wasn't lazy enough to begin with.hehe!). and usually, december just makes me feel extraordinarily giddy what with the impending holiday season (not to mention christmas break!) yet this year, everything was just plain off. i found myself feeling depressed during the first few weeks of december for no reason yet a myriad of reasons (haha, ang labo). let's just say i was constantly doubting both myself and my decision to go into law school. believe you me, self-doubt is the most dangerous thing to one's sanity and self-esteem. thank goodness nalang for friends and blockmates (i love block C!) who are there to listen to me rant and rave about my life no matter how boring or shallow my rants are.

i was actually quite happy and ecstatic during the last week of class because of cancelled classes and the like. come to think of it, i actually started my vacation early. i guess i was just so tired of studying and worrying that during the last few days of class this month, i actually had the gall to come to class unprepared (ok, maybe i did read what i had to read...but i still wasn't prepared) with the mindset that i wouldn't get called on (and guess what?! i wasn't called on...hehehe). but then stress came pouring in because of reasons i won't bother mentioning since i would much rather forget the sources of stress and i was back to square one once again. to think i had begun to feel all christmas-y and giddy as early as september or october. bah humbug. :( plus i'm now sick, sore throat-y and sniffly as a result of one too many get-togethers/videoke sessions (hehe). definitely not one happy camper. :(

to top things off, lantern parade this year was cancelled. they might as well have cancelled christmas. :( granted there was a so-called security risk but then come to think of it, it IS UP. security is a problem the whole year round. besides, the last time the lantern parade was cancelled was during the martial law days. it was for me one of the oddest lantern parade days ever. it started out pretty happy (i love the atmosphere in up during december sans the heat of course) but then we got the news that the lantern parade was cancelled. plus the BOR meeting to discuss the TFI was moved to Malcolm hall. i had a lot of reservations regarding that BOR meeting to begin with. it seemed to me an unwise move to hold the BOR meeting on such a controversial issue on the day of the lantern parade. the situation wasn't at all mitigated when those strongly opposing TFI got wind of the changed venue of the meeting. they had to barricade malcolm hall where preparations for malcolm madness were underway. but somehow, those opposing tfi managed to get in (after the members of the BOR had already left). it was a surreal experience. they rallied inside malcolm hall. entered the theater probably thinking the BOR members were there. accused students of "hiding" the Regents. and the list goes on. many people were shocked. i wasn't one of them. after being in up for more than four years and being active in campus politics, i have to say nothing shocks me anymore. but i sure was disappointed. at the student regent for not attending the meeting [granted the change in venue WAS last minute and the other members were in support of the proposed TFI, he as our SOLE student representative should've been there to air his (supposedly the students') side]. the admin for not at all handling the entire situation properly. those who stormed malcolm hall for obvious reasons.

while i recognize the merits of the tuition fee increase/adjustment, i am quite wary about the proposal and implementing mechanism. i think the admin rushed the decision and the TFA/I as is leaves much to be desired. but more on that next time.

first year law student.kid at heart.idealist.optimist (except about myself).hopeless romantic.daydream believer.dreamer.klutz(hehe).


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"I don't care if I never grow up
Don't want to shrink in a suit
Don't want live just to suck someones bones dry
I'd rather die."
- Chris Trapper, Waiting Watching Wishing

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