{waiting watching wishing}
Saturday, July 28, 2007
{a future in sales}

went around law this afternoon trying to inveigle entice people to buy tickets for the winlaw cake raffle. one of my batchmates laughed when he saw me and commented that whenever he sees me, i'm selling something. and he's right because conversely, whenever i see him, i am selling something be it pastries, t-shirts and other up law merchandise, or raffle tickets. such thought makes me paranoid. does that mean whenever people see me they get the urge to run away because they think i'll try to sell them something or other?

i hope not. though it is a funny, if not depressing thought. haha.

i made a promise to myself that after this sem, no more selling for me since i don't think i'm very good at it PLUS there's the change that i'm beginning to be associated with forcing people into buying stuff. then i remembered something. i won't be able to fulfill my promise because next sem, we have the winlaw flower sale wich my batch is in charge of. i'm quite excited but apprehensive because i know it will entail a lot of work.

oh well. after all this, i hope people won't look at me as a walking, talking selling machine of sorts. haha :p

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Posted by arianne at 12:11 AM

Thursday, July 26, 2007

discovered a "new" site: blackle. it's essentially an all-black version of google.

according to the site, "Blackle saves energy because the screen is predominantly black. 'Image displayed is primarily a function of the user's color settings and desktop graphics, as well as the color and size of open application windows; a given monitor requires more power to display a white (or light) screen than a black (or dark) screen.' Roberson et al, 2002

In January 2007 a blog post titled Black Google Would Save 750 Megawatt-hours a Year proposed the theory that a black version of the Google search engine would save a fair bit of energy due to the popularity of the search engine. Since then there has been skepticism about the significance of the energy savings that can be achieved and the cost in terms of readability of black web pages."

of course, i'm wondering whether such would make a significant impact in saving energy given that most other webpages are full color anyhow, not to mention the fact that most desktop backgrounds are likewise bright and colorful. oh well. i'll just do my share. hope it makes a difference, no matter how small.

added bonus: the site is actually quite classy. :)

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Posted by arianne at 8:10 PM

Wednesday, July 25, 2007
{all good things must come to an end}

i finished harry potter and the deathly hollows yesterday. i've always been a relatively fast reader but i purposely paced myself while reading this particular book in order to prolong the inevitable-- the end of the harry potter series.

i actually wanted to cry while reading the first chapter because i remembered that when i first read harry potter and the sorceror's stone in first year high school, he had just turned 11. in book 7, he was about to turn 17. it's like i grew up with harry, ron, hermione et al. while i've never been a die-hard fan in the dress up as a wizard, wield a wand sense (hehe, i just saw members of hogwarts philippines on tv dressed up in complete wizarding gear... cool, actually), i've been one of those who religiously followed the harry potter series and eagerly anticipated every new release (though i can't say the same re the movies).

in all fairness, i felt that the ending was sufficiently satisfying (for me, at least).

but all good things have to end sometime, i guess.

it's truly the end of an era.

i wonder what they'll think of next.

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Posted by arianne at 8:19 PM

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

phobia - an irrational, persistent fear of certain situations, objects, activities, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject. When the fear is beyond one's control, or if the fear is interfering with daily life, then a diagnosis under one of the anxiety disorders can be made. It is generally accepted that phobias arise from a combination of external events and internal predispositions.(Source:wikipedia)

i've always had certain irrational albeit persistent fears. I'm pretty sure i suffer from a mild form of claustrophobia (fear of confined spaces). I also suffer from coulrophobia (fear of clowns) although such was worse when i was younger. I've always been acrophobic (from acrophobia - fear of heights), achluophobic (from achluophobia - fear of the dark), and batrachophobic (from batrachophobia - fear of amphibians) in varying degrees. i have countless other irrational fears but generally, i've managed to live with them and so long as i don't focus on them nor face situations involving said fears, i'm fine. Besides, i'm sure to a certain extent, it's normal to suffer from one phobia or another as most, if not all, people i know do.

but i just realized that i may have a new phobia, one that is highly unusual and likewise, highly irrational. i have a fear of teachers. or rather, A teacher in particular.

ever since grade school, i was never comfortable around teachers, or any other authority figure. because of what i like to refer to as reverential distance, i have always accorded my teachers/professors with the respect they deserve but just that. no more, no less. i was never one to become chummy with a teacher and unless i absolutely HAD to, never talked with them outside the classroom about non-school related topics. i've always been quite formal and respectful towards them given that i've always viewed them as authority figures and have always been a tad bit uncomfortable around and even scared of them.

but never to the extent i am now.

for fear of him (haha, no pun intended), i will not name names. it's just that he scares me. even if he is not my professor this sem, whenever i see him, i have the urge to run in the opposite direction and hide (i am ashamed to admit but i have done that more than once). i saw him recently and it was very stressful for me because i had to keep making sure i wouldn't bump into him nor make eye contact. i seriously considered locking myself in the comfort room the entire evening just so as not to bump into him. i felt really nervous and scared, anxious even. i wanted to cry.

i know, it probably sounds extremely silly but it is hard to explain. if i did bump into him i doubt he would say anything mean but i also know that his mere presence would be sufficient to scare me. and there's also that paranoia that he hates us. in fact, i keep entertaining the thought that should i bump into him along the corridor (or wherever), i will seriously jump over the balcony (or spontaneously combust or at least burst into tears). it's that bad.

is it possible to overcome this fear?

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Posted by arianne at 8:56 PM

Sunday, July 15, 2007
{what i would do for a clone (or thirty)}

i have acquired a new skill: booth-manning. it seems as though during the past few weeks, all i've been doing is manning some booth or other. it started with barops merchandise then freshie week voting then winlaw fund-raising. come this week, i'll be manning the winlaw booth yet again as well as the pvo sign-up booth and will probably end up manning the barops merchandise booth if no one else can. it's actually quite fun! you get to meet new people, catch up with friends, people watch (though after a while you realize that you keep seeing the same people. haha!) and even log in some study time. though it can sometimes get stressful especially when you have to be at two (or three or four...) places at the same time.

take last week, for example. i was manning a booth and i saw one of the freshies i know so i said hi. a few minutes later, i had booth duty elsewhere and i saw her again and greeted her. her response was, "arianne, you're everywhere!" and then it hit me, she was right. in the sense that given the simulataneity (and constant stream) of (mostly) extracurricular responsibilities, i sometimes feel that i HAVE to be everywhere all at once. and last i checked, such is not humanly possible hence the fast-paced walk, the sometimes incoherent and mile-a-minute speech, and the unkempt hair (haha). given the physical limitations, i sometimes have to forego one responsibility over the other (thank goodness for understanding friends and orgmates. hehe) but i have a hard time letting go of that nagging, guilty feeling.

it also happens during social events. the worst in recent months was last may wherein i was invited to three birthday parties in one night. i felt that i couldn't skip any of the three because all of them are really good friends of mine. so what i did is before leaving the house, i set a schedule and mapped my route starting from the place nearest to my house to the furthest. while i had an enjoyable time and ended up eating three or four dinners (plus take-home! hehe), i also felt really stressed since i had to keep checking the time and praying i wasn't TOO late while trying to drive at a reasonably faster (but not too fast hehe) speed than usual.

the situation got worse this sem in that given our six day school week, i don't have much time for socials. i've had to forego quite a number of reunions, parties, movie (non)dates, dinners, game nights (sniff), lunches, etc. because my schedule can't handle it though i try to do my best by fitting in as much commitments as i can possibly in one timeslot. two saturdays ago, for instance, i volunteered for freshie night but had to drop by my friend's birthday since after all, she is one of my closest friends PLUS go home at a reasonably early time because my mom had just arrived from the states. same thing yesterday. after class, went to my friend's house since it's her younger sister's birthday. we had dinner at the fort (ran's and cupcakes! heavenly. hehe!) but i had to forego dropping by the birthday of her other sister's boyfriend AND game night because i went to another friend's party. then there was the time we had a block outing in tagaytay so i had to forego my friend's surprise despedida. i guess it's really not a big deal. i mean i really cannot be in more than one place at one particular time but sometimes i really wish i could. i'd be a lot less stressed and a lot more productive that way, i think. i sometimes feel bad when i skip out on my friends because i always think they feel that i'm not prioritizing them or shrugging them off. but it's not the case. i just have to juggle so much all at once and TRY not to let any of the metaphorical juggling balls (if that's what they're called) fall. i'm just thankful that at least thus far, my friends have been really understanding and (hopefully) don't think i take them for granted.

i still want a clone. or multiply clones. that would be multi-tasking to the Nth level! hahaha!
but wait, i don't think the world is ready to handle more than one arianne.

scary thought. hehehe :)

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Posted by arianne at 10:45 PM

Thursday, July 12, 2007
{signs of aging}

i come from a family of doctors. my dad is a doctor. his dad was a doctor. his dad's dad was a doctor. for all i know his dad's dad's dad was a doctor, too. it was only my lolo's brother who deviated. he became a lawyer. not just any lawyer but a great one. imagine, he took up law, became a bar topnotcher at the age of twenty, and had to wait one whole year before he could take his lawyer's oath (if that's what they called it during those times) because he was under-age, apparently. by the time he was around 27, he had already finished further legal studies in Spain. he had already accomplished so much by the time he hit his quarter-life. and he accomplished much, much more henceforth that while i am proud of him, i also thank my lucky stars, few that they are, that i have the most common surname in the world. and to think he lived during the pre-computer, pre-internet, pre-automation, pre-nonstop flights age.

i am 23 years old. when i was 20, i didn't know what i was going to do with my life (i still don't). it will be a miracle if by the time i'm 27 i'll be a lawyer. it will even be a greater miracle if i finish the post-grad studies i've always dreamed of and i figur out what i want to do with my life by the time i'm in my thirties.

i've always considered myself an eternal kid. i still pretty much have the same interests i had, say, 10 years ago. i still look and think pretty much the same way i have since, well, ever. i've always been tall and klutzy. i've always been blind. and i've always had the maturity of a five year old (hahaha, joke lang. i HOPE). the only difference is that i can swear i was smarter before. and i'm really scared because i figured the occasional lapse in memory is fine. but it's not only been my ability to retain. what's worse is that i think my ability to comprehend has deteriorated as well.

i don't know if it's the fatigue or the stress but lately, i've noticed that no matter how much i TRY to retain from the piles and piles of cases and other readings, nothing seems to stick. it's getting really frustrating and more than a tad bit annoying. i mean i always study what i have to study (thank goodness i read fast and if that fails, thank goodness for speed reading) but when i wake up in the morning, it's like everything i study just vanished into thin air and my studying til the wee hours of the morning was just a figment of my over-active imagination.

and to think i enjoy all the conveniences of modern life. computers. the internet. cars. i suppose things are much easier and much more convenient now than they were before. but despite everything, i feel that my mind has just become duller and duller. maybe i've relied too much on modern technology that i've taken my mental development for granted.

or maybe i'm growing old. memory loss is one of the signs of aging, anyhow.

i'm sure abuelito's brother is probably turning in his grave now and if he were, i wouldn't blame him because i would feel the same about me if i were in his place (hypothetically, of course), but in my defense 1)we come from a family of doctors. HE was the deviant so he cannot blame me for my legal incapacity (i.e., incapacity to have a great lawyerly mind not incapacity to contract marriage, etc. haha!) because after all, it's not my fault that the good genes, etc. of the family did not get passed to me. i was born this way fortunately OR unfortunately and i really can't do anything about it, and 2)apparently, i'm aging prematurely.

does anyone know of any effective brain vitamins? (i'm only half-kidding, btw. haha!)

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Posted by arianne at 8:28 PM

Tuesday, July 10, 2007
{new-found obsession}

i have a new hobby/"obsession": sculpey which is essentially modelling clay which hardens when you bake.
of course, i don't harbor any illusions of becoming a master clay sculptor/modellor (or whatever you call it). i just think it's really fun. i've been researching as to what projects i can do with the least possible goof-proof tendencies and i've found a few. can't wait to start on them!!!

yesterday, i ATTEMPTED my first sculpey projects. i was never any good with modelling clay even as a kid so as expected, even if i followed instructions verbatim, they didn't turn out as i intended.

these are what they looked like before baking (note the bright and vibrant colors):

and these are what they looked like after baking and glazing:

imagine my shock when i saw the burnt finished products. hahahaha! :D
thank goodness i didn't attempt the white bunny rabbit i originally intended to make. :)

it's quite fun though, molding the clay. relaxing, even.

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Posted by arianne at 6:23 PM

Thursday, July 05, 2007
{and finally, the rain has come...}

i've been overly-stressed, detached, tired, and irritable lately. not only that but i haven't been as enthusiastic as regards food as i normally am. and i think i know why. i blame it on the nasty, humid, pre-rain weather (ok, maybe i'm being unfair. i guess i could attribute some of my stress to acads, etc. haha). but really, heat and humidity do crazy things to me and in turn, i transform into my evil otherself. and when my evil otherself takes the reins, well, everything goes awry. i wake up and suddenly, the world doesn't seem to be a very happy place anymore. i get angry. and sad. and not very hungy (although i do get super thirsty).

or maybe i'm just trying to justify my not-too-pleasant disposition lately. hahaha. :s

in any case, thank goodness the rain has come. it has this cooling, cleansing, and calming effect i can't seem to explain very well.

could this be a sign for better things ahead? i know i'm basing my hopes on something totally unconnected and unfounded but i think i've had enough. i need better days. a lot of them. :)


can i just rant? i was on my way home from school today and was waiting for the traffic light to turn green on the edsa-santolan intersection. then suddenly this guy on some sort of motorcyle with a very annoying loud siren stops right in the middle of the intersection and motions to the cars trailing him to go ahead (take note: they were supposed to be waiting for the light to turn green before going like everyone else). i expected it to be some politician whose life is just too busy that he/she can't even wait for a traffic light to turn green (note the sarcasm), which, incidentally is a pet peeve of mine. but lo and behold, the none of cars from the entourage that followed motorcycle man did not have a single government license plate. all vehicles were private. yet another pet peeve. i'm not saying that government vehicles have a better right to break traffic rules that private ones (i am pertaining to the owner/driver not the vehicles per sé. hehe), but REALLY. who do they think they are?

one of my most vivid memories was a family vacation in gotëborg, sweden when i was twelve years old. as we were walking, we noticed a politician's vehicle which stopped as soon as the traffic light turned red. it actually waited (once again, i'm pertaining to the driver/owner/whoever has control over the vehicle rather than the vehicle itself. hehe) for the light to turn green before going ahead. my mom was quick to comment that sadly, we don't see things like that happen here in the philippine. we often take little things like traffic lights and sometimes even traffic rules in general for granted, but i believe it's the little things that count. a politician who actually manifests respect for the laws in spite of her/his standing is admirable because there is that acknowledgement that she/he, like every other person is expected to follow them and no exceptions should be granted, albeit in a de facto manner, because of "social position or rank."


rant #2: my friend camille sent me a text message inviting me to dinner in her lolo's house because bizu is catering there tonight. it took ALL (and i mean ALL) the discipline and self-control i could muster to decline her invitation thanks to the pile (and i mean PILE) of cases waiting to be read by yours truly. a couple of weeks ago, i attended a similar function in her lolo's place. her family's opening a venue for weddings and other functions and are checking out caterers to accredit who in turn have been conducting food-tasting mini-events. my version of paradise. who says no to free catered yummy food? you'd have to be crazy to decline. i guess that means i am. i want bizu. the pastries from there are heavenly... :(

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Posted by arianne at 8:23 PM

Tuesday, July 03, 2007
{time out}

i saw a friend of mine from undergrad this afternoon whom i have seen around law quite often while i was manning the barops/freshie week booth with my blockmates. this is a non-verbatim reconstruction of how our conversation went:

me: do you want to vote for one of the ms. freshie candidates?
him: well, i don't really know any of them.
me: well, you can always vote for cinderella (1C's candidate. yes, i admit, i'm biased... Block C all the way! hahaha!). it's only five pesos per vote.
him: ahh.. you have to pay pala. maybe next time. so, what have you been doing?
me: well, i'm part of the barops team.
him: what's your designation?
me: (being very matter of fact) i'm the all-around slave.
him: of whom?
me: of everyone! :p

don't get me wrong. i'm not complaining. goes with the job description. plus i am enjoying it in a masochistic sense. haha. just kidding!:) but it did make me realize that, indeed, it has been a crazy first month of school (not to mention summer. hahaha)

to start with, my block's sched is crazy, to say the least. We have class from Monday to Saturday. And we (supposedly) spend the entire Sunday studying and preparing for yet another crazy week ahead. I miss our first year, first sem sched wherein we only had class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Last sem's sched was even quite bearable wherein we had Friday to Sunday off plus the added perk of looking forward to Thursday game nights at Kaye's place. i miss those days... and my former blockmates, too. :(

plus, our classes are more demanding than they were last year. funny because a lot of my friends in the higher years keep telling me that second year, first sem is actually the easiest/lightest in terms of workload. i don't see it. it's been especially challenging given that i have to juggle acads with family, friends, orgs, barops, internship, and other commitments and the occasional emotional burden brought forth by factors which i will not mention. i guess i'm partially (if not totally) to blame for my busy-ness. if i hadn't said yes to certain commitments i wouldn't, well, be committed (for more redundancy. haha). so i guess if i spontaneously combust one of these days due to extreme over-commitment, i'll have no one to blame but myself. haha. but seriously, i enjoy being involved. it keeps me sane and happy in spite of everything.

in any case, i've decided that i need a time out.

so i'm imposing a twenty four hour time out on myself starting tomorrow morning. i need the alone time to rest, think, study, and finish some unfinished barops work (website, anyone?). so from now until tomorrow evening, it'll be just me, myself, and i save for the couple of hours i'll be in school tomorrow and my laptop and books. utter bliss. i can't wait. :)

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Posted by arianne at 11:31 PM

Sunday, July 01, 2007
{opportunity cost}

in lieu of studying law in the "grand manner," i could be:

1. taking up my masters in international relations or comparative politics or political science in general
2. brushing up on my spanish, french, german, and italian
3. catching up on years and years of precious sleepy time
4. working in an NGO that focuses on political and electoral reform as i have always wanted to do
5. bumming around and watching tv to my heart's content (though i probably wouldn't last long doing that)
6. travelling the world and completing my "places to see before i die" checklist
7. reading the books i've accumulated but never read over the years which are gathering dust in my room
8. regularly taking muay thai and other fun classes
9. learning how to cook (dream on, arianne)
10. making time to catch up with my friends from grade school, high school, undergrad, etc.
11. making a difference (albeit small) in this world
12. doing all the things i've always dreamt of doing but never had the time to
13. getting work experience and figuring out what the real world is all about (funny, for me, poveda and ironically UP have been my sanctuaries for the longest time)

and the list goes on.

a few weeks ago, i sent my mom an incredibly emotional e-mail recounting what had been going on with me and my block. of course, my mommy was concerned. she reminded me of that time last year, when i told her i was going to law school and she asked if i was sure given the fact that our country's legal system leaves a lot to be desired. apparently, being the overly-idealistic person that i am (or once was?) i told her that if i didn't do my part to change it, nothing would change. or something to that effect. she even suggested i transfer to another-law-school-which-i-will-refrain-from-naming-but-has-always-been-the-law-school-where-my-parents-wanted-me-to-go (whew... maybe i should've just named it. hahaha) to avoid the whole messy situation. i seriously considered quitting because i couldn't stomach certain aspects not only of the law school system which i am a part of but of the legal profession in general. but being the stubborn person i am, i chose to stay.

i don't really know why exactly. maybe it's because i wanted to prove that i wasn't going to let WHAT HAPPENED get me down. or maybe it's because by some miracle i'm still hopefuly and idealistic that i could in my own little way contribute to change. but then, maybe it's because i'm a masochist and a glutton for punishment.

at this point in time, i'm really confused. there are so many things i want to do and i feel that my life has been put on hold. on the other, at least a part of me wants to become a lawyer especially after this past summer wherein i had a lot of realizations about what i want to do with my life. plus there's that added bonus about not thinking about survival in the real world for the next three years or so.

i really don't know anymore. one think i do know is this: something (or someone.. hahaha, just kidding!) has to happen REAL SOON to help me realize that i've made the right decision. if not, i'm a dead duckling who's just wasting taxpayers' (and my parents') money, who can't even pass crim 2, and who will be of no added value to the rest of society. that would be really sad. :(

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Posted by arianne at 9:33 PM

N {about me}

first year law student.kid at heart.idealist.optimist (except about myself).hopeless romantic.daydream believer.dreamer.klutz(hehe).

N {thanks}


N {blogs i check out}

{AKBAYAN Rep. Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel}
{mark arthur}

N {random}

"I don't care if I never grow up
Don't want to shrink in a suit
Don't want live just to suck someones bones dry
I'd rather die."
- Chris Trapper, Waiting Watching Wishing

adopt your own virtual pet!

N {archives}

September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007

N {comments}

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