Saturday, August 18, 2007
{rainy day(s) ramblings}
the one good thing about still being a student is the fact that you still get to enjoy the luxury of no-school days. i think that's the one thing i have over my working friends. while rain or shine they still have to trudge to work daily, i still get to occasionally sleep in and listen to the soothing pitter-patter of the rain (or rather, storm/typhoon/what-not) with enrique iglesias in the background (sigh... whattacombination. hehehe!).
i love it when the weather is like this because aside from the successive class suspensions (woohoo!), i have a very legitimate excuse to turn hermit and hide from the rest of the world and pretend i don't have a single care in the world. it's also a far cry from the past months's humidity and my waking up in the morning wanting to kill myself because i couldn't breathe (such fact being an indicator that it is going to rain within the day. a hot and humid kind of rain) this kind of rain is relaxing, cleansing even.
of course, i can't help but feel guilty. because while i'm at home resting and actually enjoying the rains, i know many are suffering what with the torrential downfalls, floods, and the like. maybe what my labor professor has been accusing me of is true, maybe i really do have a bleeding heart. sometimes, i think, it's much easier to pretend that the world revolves around you. at least that way, you don't feel bad/guilty everytime you step out your front door.
*~*this morning, i attended the blessing of ann's (my highschool
kabarkada) tutorial center in commonwealth. i think i enjoyed the korean beef and pastries a tad bit too much. hehehe. it's a really nice, bright, happy place. if i were a grade school/high school student in need of tutorials i would definitely go there. in fact, i think i will visit it during my free time and devour the books in the mini-library (hehe. joke lang, ann!).
i realized that we really have gone a long way since high school. well, they have at least. i'm still a dependent student. hahaha. but, seriously. i remember being in high school and not having a single care in the world except, well, school, family, and friends. and in retrospect, school was quite fun and not so stressful (at least compared to law school). the beauty of personalized education and all that jazz. haha. in high school, the world seemed to be ours for the taking. then college came and went and now all my friends are working, starting their own businesses. next thing i know we'll be attending weddings (hrm,
kanino kaya? hahahaha!), having those weekly lunches old ladies have (peace, mom! haha), and starting new lives independent from the ones we have now. things seem to move so quickly sometimes. sometimes i just want to be able to grasp time in my hands and prevent it from moving so fast.
Labels: life in general, nothing and everything, ramblings
Posted by arianne at 7:26 PM
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
{time out}
i saw a friend of mine from undergrad this afternoon whom i have seen around law quite often while i was manning the barops/freshie week booth with my blockmates. this is a non-verbatim reconstruction of how our conversation went:
me: do you want to vote for one of the ms. freshie candidates?
him: well, i don't really know any of them.
me: well, you can always vote for cinderella (1C's candidate. yes, i admit, i'm biased... Block C all the way! hahaha!). it's only five pesos per vote.
him: ahh.. you have to pay pala. maybe next time. so, what have you been doing?
me: well, i'm part of the barops team.
him: what's your designation?
me: (being very matter of fact) i'm the all-around slave.
him: of whom?
me: of everyone! :p
don't get me wrong. i'm not complaining. goes with the job description. plus i am enjoying it in a masochistic sense. haha. just kidding!:) but it did make me realize that, indeed, it has been a crazy first month of school (not to mention summer. hahaha)
to start with, my block's sched is crazy, to say the least. We have class from Monday to Saturday. And we (supposedly) spend the entire Sunday studying and preparing for yet another crazy week ahead. I miss our first year, first sem sched wherein we only had class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Last sem's sched was even quite bearable wherein we had Friday to Sunday off plus the added perk of looking forward to Thursday game nights at Kaye's place. i miss those days... and my former blockmates, too. :(
plus, our classes are more demanding than they were last year. funny because a lot of my friends in the higher years keep telling me that second year, first sem is actually the easiest/lightest in terms of workload. i don't see it. it's been especially challenging given that i have to juggle acads with family, friends, orgs, barops, internship, and other commitments and the occasional emotional burden brought forth by factors which i will not mention. i guess i'm partially (if not totally) to blame for my busy-ness. if i hadn't said yes to certain commitments i wouldn't, well, be committed (for more redundancy. haha). so i guess if i spontaneously combust one of these days due to extreme over-commitment, i'll have no one to blame but myself. haha. but seriously, i enjoy being involved. it keeps me sane and happy in spite of everything.
in any case, i've decided that i need a time out.
so i'm imposing a twenty four hour time out on myself starting tomorrow morning. i need the alone time to rest, think, study, and finish some unfinished barops work (website, anyone?). so from now until tomorrow evening, it'll be just me, myself, and i save for the couple of hours i'll be in school tomorrow and my laptop and books. utter bliss. i can't wait. :)Labels: law school, ramblings
Posted by arianne at 11:31 PM
Sunday, July 01, 2007
{opportunity cost}
in lieu of studying law in the "grand manner," i could be:
1. taking up my masters in international relations or comparative politics or political science in general
2. brushing up on my spanish, french, german, and italian
3. catching up on years and years of precious sleepy time
4. working in an NGO that focuses on political and electoral reform as i have always wanted to do
5. bumming around and watching tv to my heart's content (though i probably wouldn't last long doing that)
6. travelling the world and completing my "places to see before i die" checklist
7. reading the books i've accumulated but never read over the years which are gathering dust in my room
8. regularly taking muay thai and other fun classes
9. learning how to cook (dream on, arianne)
10. making time to catch up with my friends from grade school, high school, undergrad, etc.
11. making a difference (albeit small) in this world
12. doing all the things i've always dreamt of doing but never had the time to
13. getting work experience and figuring out what the real world is all about (funny, for me, poveda and ironically UP have been my sanctuaries for the longest time)
and the list goes on.
a few weeks ago, i sent my mom an incredibly emotional e-mail recounting what had been going on with me and my block. of course, my mommy was concerned. she reminded me of that time last year, when i told her i was going to law school and she asked if i was sure given the fact that our country's legal system leaves a lot to be desired. apparently, being the overly-idealistic person that i am (or once was?) i told her that if i didn't do my part to change it, nothing would change. or something to that effect. she even suggested i transfer to another-law-school-which-i-will-refrain-from-naming-but-has-always-been-the-law-school-where-my-parents-wanted-me-to-go (whew... maybe i should've just named it. hahaha) to avoid the whole messy situation. i seriously considered quitting because i couldn't stomach certain aspects not only of the law school system which i am a part of but of the legal profession in general. but being the stubborn person i am, i chose to stay.
i don't really know why exactly. maybe it's because i wanted to prove that i wasn't going to let WHAT HAPPENED get me down. or maybe it's because by some miracle i'm still hopefuly and idealistic that i could in my own little way contribute to change. but then, maybe it's because i'm a masochist and a glutton for punishment.
at this point in time, i'm really confused. there are so many things i want to do and i feel that my life has been put on hold. on the other, at least a part of me wants to become a lawyer especially after this past summer wherein i had a lot of realizations about what i want to do with my life. plus there's that added bonus about not thinking about survival in the real world for the next three years or so.
i really don't know anymore. one think i do know is this: something (or someone.. hahaha, just kidding!) has to happen REAL SOON to help me realize that i've made the right decision. if not, i'm a dead duckling who's just wasting taxpayers' (and my parents') money, who can't even pass crim 2, and who will be of no added value to the rest of society. that would be really sad. :(Labels: law school, ramblings
Posted by arianne at 9:33 PM
Friday, June 15, 2007
{no such thing as a gray area}
i am currently typing up this post using my not-so-baby brother's brand new black macbook. i'm so jealous. what a pretty little thing. :)
anyhow, it's been one crazy week. as if the start of class AND the accompanying stress wasn't enough. it had to be aggravated by certain events and people. it would be much much easier and much less stressful if i just let it go, but fortunately (or unfortunately), my world is black and white and technicolor at times. one color it is not is gray. it's the way i was raised, i guess, what with my mommy constantly hammering down my throat that there are no such things as gray areas and it stuck. so aside from having the sometimes-nasty habit of questioning everything, there is also that belief that there are certain things that cannot be compromised. call me naïve if you will, but i still believe that so long as there are certainties in this world, principles we can all live by, and belief in the ultimate Good, integrity, justice, and principle, there is still hope.
so i resolve that despite all that has been going on, i will REFUSE to let my black and white and sometimes technicolor world turn into blurry shades of gray (hey, isn't that the title of kevin's blog? haha). that means i will not condone nor coddle anything or anyone whom i believe to be wrong nor will i be afraid.
whatever happens, at the end of the day, at least i'll have my dignity and integrity intact. as the english philosopher edmund burke so aptly said, "all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." in my case, that good women do nothing. i'm not saying i'm good because i'm far from it, but there is only so much i can tolerate. so i'll do my part in whatever little way i can because it's what i believe to be the decent and human thing to do.
que será, será.Labels: life, ramblings, resolutions
Posted by arianne at 10:44 PM