phobia - an irrational, persistent fear of certain situations, objects, activities, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject. When the fear is beyond one's control, or if the fear is interfering with daily life, then a diagnosis under one of the anxiety disorders can be made. It is generally accepted that phobias arise from a combination of external events and internal predispositions.(Source:wikipedia)

i've always had certain irrational albeit persistent fears. I'm pretty sure i suffer from a mild form of claustrophobia (fear of confined spaces). I also suffer from coulrophobia (fear of clowns) although such was worse when i was younger. I've always been acrophobic (from acrophobia - fear of heights), achluophobic (from achluophobia - fear of the dark), and batrachophobic (from batrachophobia - fear of amphibians) in varying degrees. i have countless other irrational fears but generally, i've managed to live with them and so long as i don't focus on them nor face situations involving said fears, i'm fine. Besides, i'm sure to a certain extent, it's normal to suffer from one phobia or another as most, if not all, people i know do.

but i just realized that i may have a new phobia, one that is highly unusual and likewise, highly irrational. i have a fear of teachers. or rather, A teacher in particular.

ever since grade school, i was never comfortable around teachers, or any other authority figure. because of what i like to refer to as reverential distance, i have always accorded my teachers/professors with the respect they deserve but just that. no more, no less. i was never one to become chummy with a teacher and unless i absolutely HAD to, never talked with them outside the classroom about non-school related topics. i've always been quite formal and respectful towards them given that i've always viewed them as authority figures and have always been a tad bit uncomfortable around and even scared of them.

but never to the extent i am now.

for fear of him (haha, no pun intended), i will not name names. it's just that he scares me. even if he is not my professor this sem, whenever i see him, i have the urge to run in the opposite direction and hide (i am ashamed to admit but i have done that more than once). i saw him recently and it was very stressful for me because i had to keep making sure i wouldn't bump into him nor make eye contact. i seriously considered locking myself in the comfort room the entire evening just so as not to bump into him. i felt really nervous and scared, anxious even. i wanted to cry.

i know, it probably sounds extremely silly but it is hard to explain. if i did bump into him i doubt he would say anything mean but i also know that his mere presence would be sufficient to scare me. and there's also that paranoia that he hates us. in fact, i keep entertaining the thought that should i bump into him along the corridor (or wherever), i will seriously jump over the balcony (or spontaneously combust or at least burst into tears). it's that bad.

is it possible to overcome this fear?

Labels: life in general, phobia

first year law student.kid at heart.idealist.optimist (except about myself).hopeless romantic.daydream believer.dreamer.klutz(hehe).


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