i come from a family of doctors. my dad is a doctor. his dad was a doctor. his dad's dad was a doctor. for all i know his dad's dad's dad was a doctor, too. it was only my lolo's brother who deviated. he became a lawyer. not just any lawyer but a great one. imagine, he took up law, became a bar topnotcher at the age of twenty, and had to wait one whole year before he could take his lawyer's oath (if that's what they called it during those times) because he was under-age, apparently. by the time he was around 27, he had already finished further legal studies in Spain. he had already accomplished so much by the time he hit his quarter-life. and he accomplished much, much more henceforth that while i am proud of him, i also thank my lucky stars, few that they are, that i have the most common surname in the world. and to think he lived during the pre-computer, pre-internet, pre-automation, pre-nonstop flights age.

i am 23 years old. when i was 20, i didn't know what i was going to do with my life (i still don't). it will be a miracle if by the time i'm 27 i'll be a lawyer. it will even be a greater miracle if i finish the post-grad studies i've always dreamed of and i figur out what i want to do with my life by the time i'm in my thirties.

i've always considered myself an eternal kid. i still pretty much have the same interests i had, say, 10 years ago. i still look and think pretty much the same way i have since, well, ever. i've always been tall and klutzy. i've always been blind. and i've always had the maturity of a five year old (hahaha, joke lang. i HOPE). the only difference is that i can swear i was smarter before. and i'm really scared because i figured the occasional lapse in memory is fine. but it's not only been my ability to retain. what's worse is that i think my ability to comprehend has deteriorated as well.

i don't know if it's the fatigue or the stress but lately, i've noticed that no matter how much i TRY to retain from the piles and piles of cases and other readings, nothing seems to stick. it's getting really frustrating and more than a tad bit annoying. i mean i always study what i have to study (thank goodness i read fast and if that fails, thank goodness for speed reading) but when i wake up in the morning, it's like everything i study just vanished into thin air and my studying til the wee hours of the morning was just a figment of my over-active imagination.

and to think i enjoy all the conveniences of modern life. computers. the internet. cars. i suppose things are much easier and much more convenient now than they were before. but despite everything, i feel that my mind has just become duller and duller. maybe i've relied too much on modern technology that i've taken my mental development for granted.

or maybe i'm growing old. memory loss is one of the signs of aging, anyhow.

i'm sure abuelito's brother is probably turning in his grave now and if he were, i wouldn't blame him because i would feel the same about me if i were in his place (hypothetically, of course), but in my defense 1)we come from a family of doctors. HE was the deviant so he cannot blame me for my legal incapacity (i.e., incapacity to have a great lawyerly mind not incapacity to contract marriage, etc. haha!) because after all, it's not my fault that the good genes, etc. of the family did not get passed to me. i was born this way fortunately OR unfortunately and i really can't do anything about it, and 2)apparently, i'm aging prematurely.

does anyone know of any effective brain vitamins? (i'm only half-kidding, btw. haha!)

Labels: aging, life in general

first year law student.kid at heart.idealist.optimist (except about myself).hopeless romantic.daydream believer.dreamer.klutz(hehe).


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"I don't care if I never grow up
Don't want to shrink in a suit
Don't want live just to suck someones bones dry
I'd rather die."
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