in lieu of studying law in the "grand manner," i could be:

1. taking up my masters in international relations or comparative politics or political science in general
2. brushing up on my spanish, french, german, and italian
3. catching up on years and years of precious sleepy time
4. working in an NGO that focuses on political and electoral reform as i have always wanted to do
5. bumming around and watching tv to my heart's content (though i probably wouldn't last long doing that)
6. travelling the world and completing my "places to see before i die" checklist
7. reading the books i've accumulated but never read over the years which are gathering dust in my room
8. regularly taking muay thai and other fun classes
9. learning how to cook (dream on, arianne)
10. making time to catch up with my friends from grade school, high school, undergrad, etc.
11. making a difference (albeit small) in this world
12. doing all the things i've always dreamt of doing but never had the time to
13. getting work experience and figuring out what the real world is all about (funny, for me, poveda and ironically UP have been my sanctuaries for the longest time)

and the list goes on.

a few weeks ago, i sent my mom an incredibly emotional e-mail recounting what had been going on with me and my block. of course, my mommy was concerned. she reminded me of that time last year, when i told her i was going to law school and she asked if i was sure given the fact that our country's legal system leaves a lot to be desired. apparently, being the overly-idealistic person that i am (or once was?) i told her that if i didn't do my part to change it, nothing would change. or something to that effect. she even suggested i transfer to another-law-school-which-i-will-refrain-from-naming-but-has-always-been-the-law-school-where-my-parents-wanted-me-to-go (whew... maybe i should've just named it. hahaha) to avoid the whole messy situation. i seriously considered quitting because i couldn't stomach certain aspects not only of the law school system which i am a part of but of the legal profession in general. but being the stubborn person i am, i chose to stay.

i don't really know why exactly. maybe it's because i wanted to prove that i wasn't going to let WHAT HAPPENED get me down. or maybe it's because by some miracle i'm still hopefuly and idealistic that i could in my own little way contribute to change. but then, maybe it's because i'm a masochist and a glutton for punishment.

at this point in time, i'm really confused. there are so many things i want to do and i feel that my life has been put on hold. on the other, at least a part of me wants to become a lawyer especially after this past summer wherein i had a lot of realizations about what i want to do with my life. plus there's that added bonus about not thinking about survival in the real world for the next three years or so.

i really don't know anymore. one think i do know is this: something (or someone.. hahaha, just kidding!) has to happen REAL SOON to help me realize that i've made the right decision. if not, i'm a dead duckling who's just wasting taxpayers' (and my parents') money, who can't even pass crim 2, and who will be of no added value to the rest of society. that would be really sad. :(

Labels: law school, ramblings

first year law student.kid at heart.idealist.optimist (except about myself).hopeless romantic.daydream believer.dreamer.klutz(hehe).


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"I don't care if I never grow up
Don't want to shrink in a suit
Don't want live just to suck someones bones dry
I'd rather die."
- Chris Trapper, Waiting Watching Wishing

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